being "uncomfortable"

I have been dealing with my own struggles, admitting the difficulties Caden has and how much they seem to be growing.  He is now nervous even going to familiar places, if there is anyone he doesn't know...or even if he feels uncomfortable.  He has a difficult time entering a space if there is a group of people there already.  I already wrote one post about him at the end of the year but as I wrote that more and more instances of anxious like behaviors popped in my head....

a birthday party he was SOO excited for but took over half of the time to warm up and join in the fun. I could see on his face how badly he wanted to join but just couldn't.

a music program he was so excited about until he saw the crowd (to be honest I was amazed he even when on stage)  but he stood there with a scowl on his face.

a family gathering where he couldn't get out of the car because he was "uncomfortable" with so many people being at the entrance.

another family party where he accidentally named his aunt by another aunt's name.  When corrected he crossed his arms, turned away and put the familiar scowl on  his face.  All unfortunate timing as we were all saying goodbyes and now he couldn't/wouldn't do it.

The first day of swimming lessons were a joke.  we was jumping up and down excited the night before, then the morning of he had a stomach ache.  and then a headache.  I hate dismissing his aches as I know they are probably real due to being nervous but I also don't want to play them up.  On the walk up to the pool the familiar scowl was forming and his arms were slowing pulling tighter across his chest.  He started to tell me he wasn't going to do lessons.  Then he found out he had a boy coach.  (i thought it was cool....its so rare to get a boy coach or teacher!) It took me over half the lesson to get him anywhere near the coach and other student.  Luckily it was hot and I was able to use that as a way to get him in the water....but once he was in he didn't listen. Every time the coach looked at him or talked to him, Caden would turn away or go under the water.  I felt horrible for the teenage coach!  I also felt awkward for myself because Caden appears to be such a mean kid when he is 'uncomfortable.' Of course I felt horrible for Caden as he struggled to engage and feel comfortable.

Day 2 was slightly better, day 3 was rained out.  Day 4 he got a new coach because the other was gone.  I fully expected to start a new battle since anything 'new' seems to be a trigger.  but nope, he joined right in and did awesome.  We decided to do another week since we finally got started.  then disappointment when the new coach wasn't there.....but Caden surprised me again by adapting to the new girl coach.  those days were awesome.

He was able to tell me he didn't like the boy coach (but couldn't tell me why) he also told me he didn't like the girl because she kept looking at him. He didn't want her watching because she might be better or see him do it wrong. (my heart breaks a little each time he is able actually tell me these things)   today i was able to snap a quick photo of Caden with his 3rd coach while they sat and chatted in between dives.  He needs that person that will do that...connect with him.  He likes to talk....a lot...once he is comfortable.