a little lesson

One thing I learned this summer....Hold it together in front of the kids.  I found my patience return after being a 'single parent' for a while. It isn't easy dealing with both boys on my own.  I was tired out some days but when I was able to hold in my frustration we got through it with a lot less crying and fewer fits.  And yes, I will admit that I can be included in the fit throwing =)  Caden is so sensitive, his emotions always in turmoil one wrong look and you can his spirit break just a little.  The wrong tone in your voice and you see his little soul crumble.  I have tried hard to pick and choose what I raise my voice about since being alone with him for almost 2 weeks.  I don't want to have a kid that thinks I yell too much (or really at all, but that is just unrealistic), or one that thinks he can't do things right. I have seen him raise his voice or use a tone with us and Coleman that resembles mine and David's and it makes me cringe because I know exactly where he learned it.   Oh the things we find reflected in our kids, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful.

Second thing I learned this summer....I never want to be with out David. I mean vacation is fine but I knew, in the back of my mind, in those hard moments of being alone with the kids being fussy or whatever, that we were returning to normal when we got home. David would be waiting for our return.  I can not imagine a life in which that isn't how it would be.  David and I have been together for almost 14.5 years now and married for a little over 5 of them. He is my best friend, the person I can complain to about things that most don't feel like listening to. Heck, he may not always fully listen, but he lets me go on, and on til I'm done. 

You are my sunshine.

Third thing...I didn't really learn this, I already knew this but my vacation home brought it back to the forefront. I MISS MY FAMILY!!!  Being with my sister and her boys was great. Caden got to spend quality time with his cousin, Kingston. They are only 6 weeks apart so as they grow they will either love each other or hate each other...maybe a little of both.  Coleman got to meet (well all 3 of us really) his cousin, Clark, who is just a few months younger than him and who I hope will be his buddy as they grow up.  And, while dinners out with my dad and his wife always lead to some sort of drama, it was fun to have my siblings together with all the kids.  I don't know when or how but I will make it back to chicago more often and maybe someday we will move home.